dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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