your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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