he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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