with your own penis?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
