why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
