Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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