I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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