What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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