last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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