Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
