He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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