oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
