There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
