There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
