Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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