they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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