The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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