it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
