the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize