He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
