Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
