Please, let me fuck your mom
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
