This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize