please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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