If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize