I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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