I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
