Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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