I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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