Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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