One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Shame - the story of my life.
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