If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
