I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
