I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
