After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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