You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
