Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
