OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
