just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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