Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(913): View more from Kansas

Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!

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(831): View more from California

i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3

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(914): View more from New York

you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds

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(615): View more from Tennessee

You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.

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(513): View more from Ohio

i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless

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(407): View more from Florida

Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.

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(703): View more from Virginia

He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him

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(443): View more from Maryland

Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.

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