i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
