the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
