Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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