I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
