Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize