this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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