I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
