Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
