the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
