He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
