She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
