I wish I could teleport
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
