me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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