I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
