she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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