it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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