Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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