man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
