If i come over, it means nothing
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
