Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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