worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
