Define "chronic" masturbator.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you traded sex for a burrito?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
