Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
