addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
