yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize