can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
