I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
