checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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