The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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