shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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