look no pants
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Blood and glitter go together right?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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