is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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