party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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