capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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