dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
