My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
