My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Are we still banned from the library?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
