I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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