Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
