She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
