at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
