do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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