Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
