just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
