Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
