my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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