Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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