I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Randomize
