$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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