giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
