Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just pee around me
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
