turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
