everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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