The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
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