So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
