don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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